Don’t Mind Me. Just Tearing Down Some of My Walls.

I’ve been avoiding making eye contact with the WordPress button on my Bookmarks bar.

“If I don’t look, then my blog doesn’t exist. If my blog doesn’t exist, then I don’t have to write anything, or be forced to acknowledge the fact that I haven’t written anything in two whole weeks.”

I looked. *sigh*

The fact is, I haven’t had a damned thing to say. Well, I’ve said plenty…”Put that down! Stop licking the dog’s face! Are you supposed to be jumping on the couch? Go to sleep! Get you own damn water and get back in bed! Don’t make me come in there!”..etc.

I know, I know…Momma of the Year material right here. What can I say? I get cranky when I’m internalizing shit.

But anyway, I wasn’t writing because I felt like I had to be funny or at least mildly amusing, and I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t want to show the side of me that gets sick, or hormonal, or depressed, or nearly crippled by anxiety. And that’s where I’ve been. Welcome to Melancholy-ville. Population: Me.

You know what though? This blog isn’t supposed to just be about me being quirky or funny (even though I am…damned funny, even). It’s about me. All of me. Including the yucky parts. So…from this moment on, I am devoting this blog to the messy truth of my life.

Prepare to be dazzled. You may want to shield your eyes.

9edd73aa-5a4c-431e-8d38-1be72a279fdd

Advertisements

I’m Gonna Do It. Just You Wait And See…

I’ve had a hell of a couple of weeks, y’all. As of today, I’ve had it up to *here* with this whole being an adult/parenting gig. I’m done. Fini. Caput.

After much consideration, I’ve made a life-changing decision – I’m running away from home and joining the circus. Who’s with me?

Ahhh…just think about it. The freedom. The thrills. The sparkly costumes. Not to mention all of the travel and potential for adventure. I mean, who hasn’t fantasized about a late-night rendezvous behind the big-top, with a toothless carny? No one? Really? Hmm…odd.

Of course, I’m going to need some sort of a talent. Knife juggling, maybe?

Is it me, or does she look nervous?

Nah. I need something with a bit more glitz and glamour. How about joining a super-cool trapeze act?

The girl on the top is certainly limber, isn’t she?

I don’t think so. I’m not all that fond of heights. Hmm…this looks fun.

The horse looks less than pleased, no?

I’ve got it! Now this is what I’m talking about! Glamour! Excitement! A really neat-o co-star!

It takes a special lady to look this sexy while riding an elephant’s trunk.

That outfit is a tad skimpy. I may need to start working out.

Aww, Shucks…

versatile_blogger_award

I nearly forgot about this little beauty. Yes, the glamorous blogger lifestyle has left me so jaded, that I now ignore awards that have been passed to me by my fellow bloggers. *le sigh* Besides, one should always appear humble when in the public eye, right? “Oh, this old thing? That’s just my Nobel Prize Versatile Blogger Award. Don’t you have one?”

Except, I’m really just tickled pink whenever someone is so inclined to include me in the blogging reindeer games. In this case, it was the amazing Mancakes, who so generously picked me to be on her list of fifteen bloggers to receive this sweet award. Thank you, thank you, you lovely and talented lady!

Here, in no particular order, are my fifteen choices:

1. The Waiting

2. Memoirs of a Mom Who Ticks

3. Ned’s Blog

4. Doodlemum

5. I Don’t Get It

6. The Jaded Apothecary

7. whiny baby

8. The Real Full House

9. Raising My Rainbow

10. B(itch) Log

11. Icescreammama

12. The Byronic Man

13. the ramblings

14. Momma Be Thy Name

15.  Small Potatoes

 

Apparently, I am now supposed to divulge 7 random facts about myself.

1. I already had five kids when I met my husband. This either makes him really brave, or certifiably insane. It also may say a lot about my feminine wiles. *winkwink*

2. I hate to wear shoes and will almost always choose flip flops over other footwear. For some odd reason, I do have a closet full of shoes.

3. I was raised by a single mother (God love her) and her gay male friends. I am convinced that this is where my wit and my flair for the dramatic was born. I’m not saying that all gay men are dramatic, but oh my, my mama knew some doozies.

4. I moved to Colorado from San Francisco when I was 15. Talk about culture shock…

5. I have a serious nerd crush on Stephen Colbert. My husband is aware of said crush, yet I don’t believe he feels at all threatened. Weird…

6. I’m 37 and just voted for the first time in November. That’s all I’m going to say, as I refuse to discuss politics with people I like.

7. My favorite word in the English language is “smitten”. Aww…

 

Alrighty friends…go spread some love.

I Should Have Just Been a Zoo Keeper

I’m pretty sure that raising young boys is a lot like working in the primate exhibit at the zoo. Boys are really just chimps with less fur, right?

Screaming, running, jumping, swinging from curtain rods…I’m just waiting for the day that someone throws poo at me.

Do you think Child Protective Services would take issue with me building a little boy habitat in my back yard? I’m thinking something indestructible  that could perhaps be hosed down with a power washer.