I have six children. Yes, they’re all mine. Stop looking at me like that. No, I’m not crazy, just really fertile. I mean…well, I suppose I’m a little crazy. Just a smidge.
What really kills me about having a large family, is how some people seem to think that my fertility is any of their business. The announcement of my sixth pregnancy was met with such incredulousness, that you would have thought that I had just proclaimed that I would be giving birth to the anti-Christ. Which, for the record, he is not. He is almost 2 though, so he seems a little like the anti-Christ, but I’m guessing he’ll grow out of it, like his siblings did. But I digress…
Upon the birth of my adorable baby boy, we were greeted by such congratulatory phrases as, “Aww, what a cute baby. You’re done now, right?” and “Look at his precious face. Have you gotten your tubes tied yet?”. It makes my heart swell to think of the joyous welcome our son was given by various family members. Not.
For the record, yes, we are “done”. I am hanging up my ovaries and having my uterus bronzed for posterity. But, for a short bit, all of the nosiness just made me want to squeeze out a couple more kids. That’d show ’em, right? Hmm…except, then I remembered that we’re really close to being done with diapers, and late night feedings, and all of that other shit that makes parenting no-so-fun.
But, if I decided I wanted to be the next Michelle Duggar and pop out another 10 or so, and my husband was on board with it, why would it be anyone else’s business? No one else is paying for or otherwise supporting them. They are well-fed, clothed and loved. How is the size of my family affecting anyone else? Do tell…I’d love to know.
The other thing that really gets to me, is how people will actually make comments about the vagina of a woman who has had more than a couple of babies. I’ve seen Michelle Duggar’s vagina referred to as a “clown car”. Personally, I had an ex-co-worker of mine compare my birth canal to a “slip and slide”. Stop laughing. That shit’s not funny. The only people who are currently allowed to talk about my vagina are me and my husband. And seeing as he would probably like to continue having visitation rights with said vagina, he’d best keep his yap shut. The same goes for Michelle’s and every other woman’s hoo-ha, cha-cha, vajayjay, cooter, etc. If you don’t have a personal relationship with the vagina in question, than you probably shouldn’t be talking about it. Christ, leave us poor moms with some dignity. We’re barely hanging onto the last shreds of it as it is.
I guess what I’m getting at, is that people people should really think before they speak. Don’t judge a woman, until you’ve walked a mile in her vagina. Umm…driven in her clown car? Shit. You know what I mean.